Countdown

With one more week to go until the 11 July gig in Fuerth with Mind 2 Mode there is just one question on the lips of  every Burchill fan across the world which haircut to go for – the “Burchill-crop circa 1988 Mandela Concert 80’s classic” or the “1995 longer hair sensitive-new-age-guitarist-crop”. Now I ve got you hooked. You want to know and you’ll have to wait. Oh, and the tracks sound good too – I had a practice session in Leicester the other day with Simon Hayward and Steve Hempton and to quote Steve – “Torsten will ***** his pants when he hears your slide playing” which is always a good sign that the practice has gone reasonably well

So, with just one week left on the clock its time to polish my slide and practice all the Burchill moves - with the amp turned up to 11 [when you need that little bit extra volume].

Graffiti Soul Review

Graffiti Soul is the new album from Simple Minds, in case you haven t been keeping up with the news, and I have to say its an impressive collection of songs and ideas. It is probably, dare I say it, their best since 1991’s Real Life and shows that the band can bounce back from what could be described as the lost years.

Moscow Underground
This intense montage of guitar loops and effects pushed along by a driving bass-line is one of the highlights of the album and a great opening track. Theres some interesting and mature lyrics here supported by Burchill’s guitars with reference to Theme For Great Cities in places. Definitely up there with the best tracks they’ve produced.
9 / 10 – all round big hitter. Great music, great lyrics.

Rockets
Is this really a single? Personally, this one is unsuccessfully trying to be a little to ‘down with the kids’ in its attempt to keep up with chart bands. If you play “Home” backwards, this is the track you will end up with. Lyrically its fairly laughable / slightly embarassing and whilst the guitars and keyboards are melodic enough, they are nothing to get excited about. As usual, any remix of this track I’ve heard is even less inspiring.
3 / 10 – embarassing lyrics with uninspiring melodies. Come on, are you serious?

Stars
Again, not Jim’s finest lyrical moment but all is forgiven for this number as it really takes you back to what these guys are good at – good old fashioned catchy riffs and powerful stadium strutting presence. I have a feeling this is the next single.
7 / 10 – lyrically awkward but melodically brilliant.

Light Travels
When I first heard this I was disappointed but the more I listen, the greater value it holds. Again, its not a classic but it is pretty good and it doesn’t get the finger pressing the FWD button on the CD player in quite the same way that Rockets does. Simple Minds truely reaching for that gear change!
6 / 10 – worth a listen and you won’t be giving it the [CD] finger.

Kiss and Fly
“Kiss and Fly?” – what? Actually, this is my favourite track for many reasons – though it does have its weaknesses. First of all Jim’s able to exercise his vocal chords to deliver some great chorus moments here and Charlie’s taken back the distortion to reveal some classic twang on his White Falcon. This is one of the best choruses I ve heard since Street Fighting Years and thanks to some great production theres some nice layers in the mix.
8/10  – my favourite, though not the best. Great vocal and guitar but lyrically dubious.

Graffiti Soul
There’s something about this track that is compelling. It’s a fairly gritty rock n roll number, lyrically strong and melodically interesting with driving guitar.
6/10 – not a classic but keeps the standards high

Blood Type-O

Uh-oh, the vocals have been put through an EQ filter – this usually means that even the producer thought the track was lacking so to create a little more interest he [or she] reached for the special effects to try to spice things up. This track sounds like Inspiral Carpets having a Simple Minded moment. Also, it makes Rockets look almost acceptable.
2/10 – Simple Minds having a happy Monday.

This Is It

I know Simon Hayward loves this one…so can’t say too much However, its an average track which will hold interest and you won’t be giving it the finger on the FWD button. It’s grown on me since I heard it first.
5/10 – don’t get too excited. This is it.

Shadows and Light
Shadows and Light is tucked away near the end of the album and will probably be stored in that archive of classics like Neapolis, Neon Lights amongst others that never really get talked about – even by the sort of Jim-stalkers you might find at a Simple Minds disco.
4 / 10 – destined for more shadows than light I’m afraid.

Rocking in the Free World
You just about get away with this one guys.
5/10 – reference to those SM classics on Neon Lights

There is a deluxe version of this album. All I will say is that they have definitely managed to match the standard set by Neon Lights in how covers should be played and Teardrop exceeds all expectations here. You have been warned

Stadium Envy – it’s erm…”Wrong”?

As some of you may know, Dave Gahan spent alot of time on the toilet this week and was not able to attend his own concert due to the restraining position of his trousers around his ankles preventing him from the usual stadium antics. Whilst this may seem like old-skool “rock star got-the-sh*ts” because he had a “Hole To Feed”, all may not be as it seems. I m not one to spread rumour but it might be a Simple case of Simple Minded Stadium envy. All Jim had to do is get Charlie to distract Dave with some guitar revving moves [see how to be Burchill in 10 easy steps] whilst he slipped something nasty into his drink causing his stomach to be in a state of “Fragile Tension” and as a result sh*tting “Rockets”….no “Peace” for Dave…he “keeps sending those rockets”.  Its “Wrong” to speculate I know but it all seems a little suspicious as Jim and Charlie are also heading for a tour – it all feels so “Corrupt”.

So, don’t be suprised if the next Simple Minded single sounds something like this:

Dave was eating all the wrong food

In the wrong town

with the wrong dish

with the wrong toilet seat…..

He was eatin all the wrong fish

and the wrong chips

with the wrong sauce

with the wrong seasoning

WRONG.WRONG.

He was sh*tting all the wrong poo

with the wrong p*ss

and the wrong trousers

round his wrong ankles

WRONG.WRONG.

Simple Minded and Sample Minds

Hey, guess what – if you’re in Wurth in Germany on 11 July this year you’ll see Sample Minds play their Mind2Mode set and I’ll be playing guitar for them for a night! Martin Sommer is unable to man the guitars that night and so Simon Hayward [who you may have heard on this site playing Simple Minds and working with me on some original material also] contacted me.

The festival Mind2Mode are playing is the Furth Festival.

Having caught up with Sample Minds at their Diamond gig in Sutton In Ashfield, it’s set to be a great event.  I’m currently looking through the set list which is looking like a great 2 hour set! See you there.

Sweaty Bullet

Every so often someone “special” comes along in your life. We’ve all experienced first engaging with that special someone and realising how “special” they really were. Well, the blog has been quiet for a couple of months – but a “special” someone has come along today and made me see the blogging experience in a new light. His name is Russellinio and he has enlightened by commenting upon my “How to be Burchill” posting back in April:

“Burchill is a highly underated guitarist, when a fucking idiot like you can play one tenth as goods as him then feel free to comment… get a mirror and apply the same critical genius to yourself…”, Rusellinio

I hear you Russellinio – I m looking in the mirror right now and only liking a tenth of what I see. However, considering your email address is tfzb@ihug.co.nz – sounds like someone definitely needs a hug

On another subject, just to break a bit of news, it is hoped that before Christmas 2008, Christophe Avril and I can get a version of Let It All Come Down out there to you – something to play to the wife whilst kissing under the mistletoe…..and make sure its our version

“Not my girlfriend….Not my mum either.”

Royal Mail has had to lay on extra transport in the last week to deliver thousands of letters asking:

“Is the woman shown in the YouTube video was Jim Kerr’s current squeeze?”

“Is Jim operating the camera?”

Well, sadly the answer to both of these is no.

Sanctify Yourself,….set your mom free.

Have you always wondered what happens to a vibrant, young, attractive female Simple Minds fan as she grows older, knocks out a couple of kids, starts to look a little old, hubby leaves for a younger more pert model, still ‘quite attractive’ but losing her looks and trapped in the house looking after the kids yet still wanting to get out to the local disco and dance to her favourite bands to show the young guys that she’s still go it where it counts?

Well, if that’s one of your many life questions, I might have found the answer:

Me personally I m more of a “Come A Long Way” fan and I have no doubt, from what I’ve read on the dancing lady’s YouTube comments, that many of the Star Trek obsessed, socially retarded, creepy members of society will certainly have “Come Along Way” after the first 3 minutes. Its a sad world and whilst you re a great dancer darlin’, keep it in the disco.

Mandela: Jim Pulls Out

Just kidding,…ole Simple Minds will be playing at the Mandela Concert on 27 June this year and it brings a tear to my eye. However, what the band will make of some of the other acts lined up brings into question the usual cross generational barriers. Didn’t it used to be about the music? Isn’t it all about Simon Cowell these days? That Bleedin’ Bleedin’ song from Leona Lewis. Please, no more.

Here is an entirely fictitious but completely plausible encounter between Simple Minds and the other bands back stage at Wembley Stadium on 27 June 2008:

[Picture in you minds eye: Leona Lewis, Sugababes sitting around admiring their fine booties and make-up when in walks Jim, Charlie, Mel, Mark and Eddie]

JIM: “Hey kids, where are your parents? Are you lost? I can be like ‘calling out your name’ during the concert so your parents can find you?”

[Keisha] SUGABABE 1: “We’re the f*ckin’ Sugababes. We’re singin’ mate! It’s our last opportunity to impress before we all go out on the town, get p*ssed and wakeup in bed with a stranger in a puddle of vomit. We’re going on stage, no vocal backin’ or nutton’. Aren’t you that bloke who overdosed on Heroin in 1994 that no-one else in the band likes and now pens his own dubious lyrics in a self indulgent solo career entirely cashing in on his previous band so that fans can buy records that are about a third of the way to the genius of the original band?”

JIM: “No, that’s the guy from Depeche Mode. Actually, it could have been several people including Clapton, Sting, Page, Coverdale, Saxondale, Tuffnell, Waters and Plant [all minus the heroin of course].”

[Mutya] SUGABABE 2: “I know…you’re the guy who goes out with supermodels sh*ggin’ well out of his league aren’t you?”

JIM: “No, you’re thinking of someone else. It’s ‘Simple’ not ‘Simply’”

[Keisha] SUGABABE 1: “You’re The Fly and you run around stage with cameras talking about Zoo TV – it’s Jeff Goldblum isn’t it? Didn’t your teeth fall out once? Didn’t you try to build a time machine made out of a car but then get stuck in a monolith in the outer ring of Jupiter after the monkeys discovered the bone and tossed it into the air in Planet of the Apes?”

JIM: “Not exactly. One Step Closer though.”

[Heidi] SUGABABE 3: “Ah..you’re the guy who hung himself while performing some weird act in a hotel room in the later throws of his floundering singin’ career only to be replaced by Jack T. Daniels or someone?”

JIM: “No, thats erm…..well, anyway, we’re Simple Minds and we love Mandela more than you do. I’ve got the video tape from way back in ‘88 to prove it.”

[Keisha] SUGABABE 1: “Who’s Mandela? Whats video tape?”

JIM: “Well, thats the guy we’re here to support tonight. You know….old, slightly wrinkly, slightly political and all that.”

[Heidi] SUGABABE 3: “Is she married to Simon Cowell or Alan Sugar?”

CHARLIE: [chips in with a thick Glaswegian accent] “eeeey yer f*ckin’ theeeeck orrrr sumit – eeeees the geeeey from the eyties concerts?”

JIM: “Hang on Charlie, Let The Children Speak”.

[Mutya] SUGABABE 2: “What did Charlie just say?”

[Heidi] SUGABABE 3: “Dunno. Something about a sandpit he used to play in and that Simply Red used to play concerts there.”

In walks Leona Lewis.

LEONA [to Charlie]: “Hey, you look a bit like a younger version of Gordon Brown”

CHARLIE: “Yeeeee, I’ve heard that before on some sh*tty blog wreetten by an overly sarcastic pr*ck who tried to make us a video back in 03. It was sh*te and so is the lame Gordon joke. My ears don’t stick out that much.”

LEONA: “Well, I’m here to sing my Bleedin’ song. Everyday I sing that Bleedin’ song. People tell me to stop playin’ the Bleedin’ song all the time on the radio but I think they’re a load of Bleedin’ idiots.”

CHARLIE: “Yeah, I heard the track and thought – ‘You keep Bleedin’ what?’ What do ya keep bleedin’ doin’? And what are ya gunna Bleedin’ do about it? Could be a serious medical problem.”

LEONA: “Something about love.”

JIM: “Yeah, I had that once. Well, twice. The second time she ran off with this burnt out cop called Riggs and lived on an excluded beach in a caravan with a dog until one night a load of helicopters came and shot the place up. She said something about bein’ too old for this sh*t. So ever heard any of our tracks?”

LEONA: “Didn’t you do that one about Ireland? Dublin Babies or something? Also, there was that other famous one I remember. Can’t remember the title but I remember it was sh*t. I saw you playing it on the Live Aid re-runs and though – these guys have some fantastic tracks but have totally sold their soul to sell albums. Remember? You were wearing some Littlewood special offer summerwear trousers.”

EDDIE [stops chewing gum for three seconds]: “Well, at least we haven’t ‘ad a Bleedin’ hit”.

MEL: “Steady Eddie. That’s not true – we’ve been taking hits for the last 10 years but we’re back on form now.”

EDDIE: “No, I meant we haven’t talked about a Bleedin’ thing?”

MEL: “Have you ever seen yourself in those downloadable online video interviews? You never Bleedin’ shut up. It’s like a Bleedin’ competition between you and Jim. It’s all like ‘I’m a Bleedin’ bass player and I do this and that….you’re two Bleedin’ strings short of a guitar you are.”

The stage manager enters and indicates that its time for all the bands supporting Sugababes to prepare themselves for their last chance to sell the final two remaining copies of their multiplatinum ‘Neon Lights’ album.

MARK: “Hey, its nearly time to go guys. Get yer white doves ready and lets give Biko a birthday bash to remember.”

How to be Charlie Burchill in 10 easy steps

1. Confuse your fans by looking and sounding a little like Gordon Brown [see 'Is Burchill The New Prime Minister?' posted September 2006]. Keep all your hair unlike other guitarists we could mention that you never see without a hat.

2. When playing live, mouth the words to the songs,…..but wait, those arent the same words as the songs. In fact, they’re not words,….they’re sort of words but are slightly closer to random mouth movements. Do this whilst smiling an nodding at the audience.

3. When playing live, remember to pull the ‘rev up the guitar moves’ on your magic music making monstrosity. As you pull off a fantastically classic minds riff, pull back on the guitar a little to show how powerful and ‘only just under control’ your axe really is and wail away with those cat sounds. See the Nelson Mandela 1990 tribute concert intro [click on link] for some of these moves.

4. Its 1989 and you’ve just finished the Street Fighting Years tour. You tell Michael McNeil that if he ‘doesn’t stop playing those bloody piano-harpy noises and throw more sawtooth into the mix’ you’ll wrap his squeezebox round his head, hide his Book of Brilliant Things, poke him in the Glittering Prize and make him Cry’.

5. Its 1991 and you’ve replaced McNeil with the Mc Midi guitar for the Real Life album but you dress the guitar in a curly wig and glasses just to retain the mood in the studio.

6. Speak with such a broad Glaswegian accent that you need to take an interpreter with you on tour. Also, never sing or try backing singing [though random mouth movements are allowed].

7. Play a guitar that is at least as big as you. Preferably a guitar so big [such as a White Falcon Deluxe GTI 16 valve] that its even more difficult to keep the beast under control and therefore this accentuates the need for some classic ‘guitar rev moves’ in step 3.

8. As with Jim, refer back to your happy days in the sandpit with Jim but don’t mention that this was only 3 weeks ago and that you actually take a sandpit on tour with you to keep the romance alive.

9. Its the 80’s and you buy an echo machine but realise that you need at least 3 other state-of-the-art echo machines to barely touch that Simple Minds sound. Remember that at least 15 patches are required for each song as just when you think you re loaded up on phaser, delay and distortion….what have we here….well, lets load on some Harmoniser to give it that bagpipes ‘Big Country p*ssing contest’ sound.

10. Wear cool clothes except for the red table cloth worn on the Verona video.

Other than that, there’s a brand new Simcoemedia YouTube Channel and here’s the artwork for the cover of the Soundtracks 4 album available at the end of May. You can also download prints from the Simcoemedia iStockphoto archive!

10,001

Congrats to blog viewer 10,001. If you can prove you were visitor 10,001 then you can claim your free Simple Minded Tour T-Shirt along with a free trip to one of the many gigs in the busy schedule and a tour programme showing some of the high-lights of the latest tour. Next posting: How to be Burchill in 10 easy steps